I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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