I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
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