We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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