I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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