and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
