and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
