I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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