The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
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They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
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Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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