it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
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She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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