He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
