Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
