he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
