I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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