Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
