That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
