We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
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i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
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He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
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