i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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