I murdered the dance floor call the cops
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
