You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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