Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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