I'm gonna have a badass scar
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
