my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
