Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
organizing the empties. That sober.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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