the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
