I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
