Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
