We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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