Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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