There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
