and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
