I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
