With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
