time to smoke my breakfast
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
