After last night, I could never be a politician.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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