So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
