Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize