we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
