look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
