I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
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Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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