He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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