i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
