Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Randomize
