I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
