SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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