i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
