I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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