What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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