6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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