I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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