Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
