we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
