OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
