If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
