That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize