and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
