We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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