We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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