Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
