the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
