o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.