My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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